wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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