I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
