just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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