there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
