so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
