theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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