Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
