Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
