yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
