This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
