I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
