if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
