dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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