i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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