I can feel you judging me through the phone.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
