He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
