He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
