That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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