Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
my being single is dangerous.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I need a beard to bite.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
