dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
