OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
