the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
