i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
