Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
