Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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