Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
