Non-Jews are for practice
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
