We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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