I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
