He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
