weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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