I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
