question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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