i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
