I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I don't deserve a penis
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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