Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Randomize
