I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
