dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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