Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
