Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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