I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
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