You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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