Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
