He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
