i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
