Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
