Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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