A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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