U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
