I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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