someone threw a dead crab at me
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
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