You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
