Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
