I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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